She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
