We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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