it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
