i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
