Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
