We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
