what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
