Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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