I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
