the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All the doctor said was why
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
