Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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