I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
