The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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