So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
