you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
