I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
