i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
birth control should be required to get into college
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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