Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
