he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
