I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
