I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
