Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Your cock deserves a montage
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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