K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
