now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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