How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
