Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
