I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm getting married
To pizza
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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