how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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