nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
