connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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