And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
