Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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