its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
