o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
