return my video game
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
