I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
