She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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