I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
what day is it and did you see me today?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
