Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
