I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
