You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
