I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
