70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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