if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
