sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
