TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
