____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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