im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
