bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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