I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
