So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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