remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
